Preacher's Blog

Preacher's Blog

“A Love Note to My Sisters - Enough”

Categories: Christian Living, For the Ladies, Nannette Oswalt

Have I been enough? Am I enough? Was I enough?

Heady question. Being enough. When I was 29, and anticipating my 30th birthday, I looked back and lamented. Lamented that I was not where I had envisioned I would be in the world, in my career and in my life by that age. Was it because I had not been enough?

When I was 39, and anticipating my 40th birthday, I looked back and regretted. Regretted that I had not given more fully of myself. Had been selfish and not more selfless. Had missed so many opportunities.

Now as I barrel towards 59, anticipating my 60th birthday, and I’ve been looking back with pain in my heart for the hurt caused, the love withheld, the indecision that unwittingly became decision. In my twilight years and at the hour of my death, will I still wonder if I was enough?

So I’ve decided to turn back around. It has solved nothing for me to continually look back, questioning whether I had worked hard enough, been treated fairly enough…been loved enough.

What I have discovered about looking back, lamenting and regretting, is that I was afraid. I was afraid no one would love me for who I am; that I would not hold any value to anyone; that I would not hold any value to myself. Afraid I would not be enough.

Growing up and growing wiser means a lot of different things. It comes more quickly to some than others.  I have a particularly hard head and evidently need many tests to finally learn some lessons.

The lesson I learned here is that it is not possible to be enough. I am not perfect. I cannot hold myself to that standard. It will mean I make mistakes. It will mean I’m human, no more, no less.

There are so many scriptures I could use to illustrate. The love of God for his children. Jesus giving his life for an imperfect world and advocating on my behalf before the throne. Having a servant’s heart, loving one another…and on and on. But I believe the one I would choose is in Luke 9:62 But Jesus said to him, “No one, having put his hand to the plow, and looking back, is fit for the kingdom of God.”

Sisters, relieve yourselves from the same question of whether you are enough. Whether you are enough of a wife, enough of a parent, enough of a child or sibling. We, in and of ourselves, will never be enough. There will be mistakes and lessons learned. We are a work in progress, a lump of clay to be molded. Please pray that I am being molded as Our Lord would have me.